Solitary Knight
by Jeokitty
Summary: Seifer reflects upon his actions, his life and his posse. -Spoilers-


Solitary Knight  
By: Jeokitty 

Rated R for angst, language and suicidal themes. Gore too. 

I don't own Final Fantasy 8, Seifer, Fujin, Raijin or anyone.  They all belong to SquareSoft. 

(Yes, we're going to disregard what happened in Dolourous Duel. Almost the same people, alternate story line (but not AU! Well, not completely AU. Slight changes to the ending.). Pretend I didn't write Dolourous Duel. This just happened to be a suitable character. So, remember, these stories aren't related. This is a semi-vital point. Really, it'll screw with you if you think it's the same story line. ^^; And I'm only saying this cause it was messing with my own head and I was the one writing it!) 

  


  
_It's happened. It's actually happened. In my vain attempt to live out my romantic dream, I pushed them away. I thought I had it all, being the knight of a sorceress. I thought I didn't need them. I had my dream, why would I need to try and keep friends? They were worthless anyways. I didn't need them. I didn't need them…  
.  
.  
.  
I did. _

Fujin, Raijin and Seifer. They all feared us. We were the Disciplinary Committee. We were in charge. We were a posse. We were friends… 

I met them when I first came to GARDEN. I knew no one but Squall and I certainly didn't want to be with him. So, when Fujin and Raijin approached me and acted nice, I accepted them. 

~ 

A young Seifer sat by himself on the lobby stairs, leading up to the elevators. He had just arrived at this school, and after getting his class and dorm assignment from the headmaster, didn't know where to go. He had a dorm to go to, but what was he going to do there? Sit on his bed and stare at the wall? Of course not. So, he chose sitting on some stairs and staring at the lobby floor. No one had walked by for almost an hour, but still, Seifer chose to sit there. 

"I really hate it here…" Seifer said to himself. 

"Why?" asked a voice. 

Seifer quickly spun around in surprise and saw 2 kids about his age, a girl and a boy. The girl was petite and had silver hair and the boy was the exact opposite, although Seifer thought that he was still taller. Seifer gave them a blank look. The boy asked the question again. "Why do you hate it here?" 

"Oh. Well, simple. I don't know anyone and I've been here for 4 hours already. The only people I've talked to are the headmaster and his secretary." 

"Well, now you've talked to us." the girl said softly. 

"I suppose. But then you two are probably going to go off and do something and leave me still sitting on these steps." Seifer said, looking annoyed. 

"We're going to go watch the SeeD cadets train in the Training Center. There's a spot that the monsters can't get to, and we can get there without going through the center itself." the boy said, "You're welcome to join us." 

Seifer perked up. "Really?" 

The girl nodded. 

Seifer jumped to his feet and smiled. "Great! Oh, and my name is Seifer." 

"I'm Raijin, and that's Fujin. She normally doesn't talk much." the boy introduced. 

Fujin glared at Raijin and kicked him in the shins. 

"Ow!" Raijin cried out, "Well, you don't!" 

Seifer chuckled. These two were pretty funny. 

"I do too." Fujin argued back, but very quietly. 

"Do not!" Raijin shouted, sticking his tongue out at her. 

"Do too." Fujin said, still really quiet. 

"Do not! Not! Not! Not!" 

"DO TOO!" Fujin yelled out, then turned bright red at how loud her voice was. 

"Okay, okay. You win, Fuj." 

Fujin smiled proudly. "Now, let's go." she said softly. 

The three of them cheerfully ran down the stairs and towards the training center. 

~ 

_We became friends. We grew up together. We shared so many things, so many experiences. Even a special love when Fujin and I tried being a couple. But, we were better off as friends and went back to being the disciplinary trio, still as strong as ever. Together, the 3 of us went through childhood…_

~ 

Seifer, Raijin and Fujin ran through the halls, laughing and shouting. Today was a great day! They were going to go on a field trip with their class to Balamb. To anyone else in the GARDEN, it would've seemed like a boring trip. But to those 3, it was going to be a grand adventure. They were so excited. That is, until Fujin tripped and scraped her knee across the floor. 

"Oww…" Fujin said softly. 

"Are you okay, Fujin?" Seifer asked. 

Fujin looked at her knee. "No…" 

"Let's go down to the Infirmary. We'll get you a band-aid." Seifer suggested. 

"But then we'll be late for class." Fujin pointed out. 

"That's nothing! You have a scraped knee!" Raijin practically yelled. 

"But the instructor told us, anyone who's late isn't going on the field trip." 

"But you're hurt." 

"Okay, but we'll hurry. We could still get there on time." Fujin said. 

Seifer and Raijin nodded, pulling Fujin up and they all headed towards the Infirmary, helping Fujin along like she had a broken leg rather than a scraped knee. 

~ 

_… adolescence… _

~ 

"Seifer, where we goin'?" Raijin asked. 

"Shhhhh!" Seifer shushed him. 

Raijin nodded and continued following Seifer through the dark halls after curfew. "What about Fujin?" he whispered. 

"She's meeting us outside her window." 

"But where are we goin'?" Raijin asked again. 

"I'll tell you outside. Now, quiet, or we'll get caught." 

They tiptoed outside of GARDEN and ran to where the dorm windows were. Fujin was waiting there, looking impatient. 

"Late." she said, simply. 

"Yeah, I know we are. But, we had to sneak through the halls. Our window doesn't lead to the outside of GARDEN." Seifer explained. 

"So, where we goin'?" 

"Yes. Where?" 

"There's a club in Balamb. We're going." Seifer said, grinning. 

"But that's against GARDEN rules." Raijin pointed out. 

"Which is what makes it great!" 

Fujin laughed. "Okay." 

"You up to this, Raijin?" Seifer asked. 

"Sure. I wouldn't wanna be left out, ya know?" 

"Let's go then!" Seifer said, pulling out the keys to the car that the GARDEN kept out front in case of emergencies. They hopped in the car and drove off. 

~ 

_…and we were entering adulthood together. Well, we were. Note the past tense. Because at that point, along came Edea and Adel and Ultimecia. They offered me everything I had ever wanted, so, without a second thought, I went to them. But what about Fujin and Raijin? I had made no real effort to bring them along when Edea took me as her knight, but they came anyways. At that point, I had assumed they looked for me because they needed a leader. I assumed they wanted that status by association. I didn't think they followed because they didn't want to lose their friend. But when that was made clear to me, I lost them._

~ 

Seifer silently watched Squall and the rest of them approach. This would be it, the final one. The final battle. And he would be the victor this time. Fujin and Raijin held onto Ellone as Squall walked up to them. 

"We've come to take back Ellone." Squall said, trying to sound commanding. 

Seifer laughed. "Looks like we got company. Show 'em your hospitality." 

Raijin nodded and started walking towards Squall. 

"RAIJIN, STOP!" Fujin yelled out. Raijin stopped and looked back at her. 

Seifer cocked an eyebrow. "What's up?" 

Raijin looked at Seifer, then dropped his gaze. "We've had enough, ya know…" 

Seifer scowled slightly. Was he hearing right? At that moment, Fujin let go of Ellone's arm. "GO." She said to Ellone. Ellone timidly looked to Fujin, who nodded. Ellone immediately ran to Squall. 

"Wait outside. Laguna should be here soon." Squall quietly told Ellone. Ellone nodded and ran out of the room. 

Seifer looked uneasy. "Hey, hey… Come on people." 

Raijin's shoulders sagged as he looked to Seifer. "Seifer, we're quittin', ya know? Don't know what's right anymore, ya know…" 

Seifer frowned. "Exactly my thoughts. I thought we were a posse." 

Fujin closed her eye for a moment. "POSSE…" She opened it again and looked to Seifer too. "We are. We always will be. Because we're a posse, we want to help you. Whatever it takes to fulfill your dream, we're willing to do. But… you're being manipulated, Seifer. You've lost yourself and your dream. You're just eating out of someone's hand. We want the old you back! Since we can't get through to you, all we have now to rely on is Squall!" Fujin turned to Squall. "It's sad… sad that we only have Squall to rely on…" Fujin turned back to Seifer. "Seifer! Are you still gonna keep goin'?" 

Seifer shrugged, then saluted. "Raijin, Fujin! It's been fun!" 

Fujin and Raijin sighed and retreated out of the room, avoiding glancing back at the friend they lost. 

~ 

_After they left the Lunatic Pandora, and after I was beaten yet again by Squall, I left. I wondered, lost, aimlessly. I had nowhere to go. GARDEN was no longer my home. I didn't have one. I had no shelter to share with friends. I didn't have any. I had no destination. Simple as that. I somehow ended up in Deling City. It was a bustling city. So busy and bright, even at night. I thought it would make me get over the depressive slump I was in. You know, forget things. But, no such luck. Deling City had only succeeded in reminding me of my summer with Rinoa. She was almost as close to me as Fujin and Raijin were. But that had ended, and she was with Squall now. Deling also reminded me of that sorceress parade. That was when things started to go wrong. It seemed so right then. But, no, I was disillusioned. It wasn't right then. The only thing that had happened there was me pushing away my friends and being someone's bitch. I was Edea's bitch. No, not Edea. Not Matron. I was Ultimecia's bitch. _

Having nowhere else to go, I stayed in Deling City, despite the numerous memories. But since I couldn't survive without food and shelter, I got a job at the Deling City Hotel. Which is where I am today. 

~ ~ ~ 

Seifer sat on the bed, carefully polishing his gunblade. He may not have fought anymore, but this weapon was still his pride and joy. Besides, he was planning on killing himself with it, and the weapon had to be in pristine condition. The blade shone under the dim hotel room lighting and Seifer grinned at his own reflection on the blade. _Very nice. Tonight might be the night._ Seifer stood up and swung the blade around. He could almost feel the blade cutting through flesh, like old times. He started jabbing and stabbing the air, as if battling an opponent again. He could almost see the pointed tip of his blade piercing the flesh, the crimson red blood staining the silver blade, the… There was a knock at the door. Seifer growled at the door. _Probably some hooker, thinking I'm a guest here. That's what I get for living at the hotel._ He carefully put his gunblade away and walked over to the door to open it. "What do you want?" 

It was the hotel manager. "Almasy, you're a bellboy. There are guests. You're suppose to be in the lobby, waiting for guests to arrive. That's what a bellboy does. Guess what? Guests have arrived. Get a move on!" 

Seifer glared at the hotel manager. "Yes… sir." 

"This is what gets people fired, Almasy, when they don't do work and sit in their room, as if they were still the holy sorceress' knight. Hah!" the managed berated. 

Seifer remained completely still and silent. 

The hotel manager chuckled to himself, as if the joke were funny, and then changed his expression to a serious one. "Now, move it, Almasy! If you're not in the lobby in 3 minutes, you're fired." And with that, he left. 

Seifer growled as he shut his door behind him and started walking towards the lobby. It was true he didn't do much at the hotel, and he did cause a whole lot of shit as the sorceress' knight, but he didn't deserve this. No one deserved this. But what else could he do? Seifer grumbled to himself as he kept walking. As he approached the lobby, he saw dark hair and broad shoulders that looked familiar. As he got closer, silver hair and a blue jacket also looked familiar. _No way… it can't be them…_ Seifer flipped up the collar of his trench coat and scrunched up inside. Y_ou have to be kidding me…_

"… NO." 

"But it's true, Fuj! I wouldn't lie to you, ya know?" 

"Fool." 

"But I'm serious, Fuj! Winhill water DOES say sweeter than Timber water!" 

"Subjective." 

"Is not!" 

"Too." 

"Is not! 

"Too." 

The childish arguing continued and from any onlooker's point of view, it would seem like the two hated each other. But Seifer only smiled. Months had passed and they didn't change. In fact, they seemed happier, didn't they? Obviously, he wasn't as important to them as he had originally thought, or rather hoped. Oh well. None of that mattered now. Seifer grabbed a nearby bellhop hat and put it on, pulling it down over most of his face, so he couldn't be recognized. He slowly walked over to Fujin and Raijin. He had to do his job. 

Seifer cleared his throat and disguised his voice. "Take your bags, miss?" 

Fujin spun around and looked at the bellboy. She pondered for a moment then shook her head. "No." 

Seifer nodded and turned to Raijin. "Yours, sir?" 

"Not necessary, ya know?" 

Seifer nodded again and walked off to help other guests. 

"Raijin." Fujin called. 

"Yeah?" 

"Him." 

"Who him?" 

"_Him._" 

Raijin gave her a blank look. 

Fujin dropped her head and contemplated kicking Raijin in the shins, but decided not to. "Raijin. Seifer. That's who that was. Seifer." 

Raijin looked at Fujin for a moment, turned to look at the bellboy then looked back at Fujin. "No way, Fuj!" 

"Yes, Raijin." 

"Are you sure? I mean, there could be lots of guys that are 6'2", ya know?" 

"Trench coat." 

Raijin looked again. "Oh." 

~ 

"Here you are, room 303." the hotel manager said, handing a key to Fujin and Raijin, "I'm afraid it's not an extremely extravagant room, but I do hope it'll suffice." 

Fujin took the key, "Fine." She then cleared her throat, "But, before we go, I have a question. That bellboy, who was he?" 

"Why? Is there a complaint?" 

"No. Nothing like that." Fujin reassured the manager, "I was just curious. In fact, is he still at the hotel?" 

"Yes, he is. Room 101, to be exact." 

"Thank you." Fujin nodded and walked away. Raijin quickly ran after her. 

"Are we goin' to see him?" 

"Yes." 

"What are we goin' to say? We can't just walk in there and demand he come to his senses and return with us to GARDEN, ya know?" 

"I know. Let's just go see him and see how it goes." 

The two silently walked down the empty and dimly lit hallway towards room 101. If one had not walked from the extravagant lobby, one wouldn't have guessed this hallway was part of the famous Deling Hotel. The wallpaper was peeling, the lights flickering, the numbers on the door barely still on. This was obviously the questionable part of the hotel. And Seifer lived here? They reached the end of the hallway and found room 101. Inside the room, all was silent. Was he actually in there? Fujin took a deep breath and knocked on the door. There was no answer. She knocked again. 

"Seifer?" Still no answer. 

"Maybe he's not there." Raijin suggested. 

"Where would he go?" 

"Out drinking?" 

"Alright. We'll check out the bar. If he's not there, we're coming back tomorrow morning." 

Raijin nodded and the two left. 

_What? Why were they here?_ Seifer wondered. _Oh… wait… fuck._ Seifer made sure they were gone before he sighed. He figured it out. They had figured out it was him and came looking for him. They'd _forgiven_ him? Yes, they had and they wanted him back. But his behaviour had been inexcusable. He couldn't allow them to forgive him. He didn't deserve to be forgiven. He deserved to be punished and tonight would have to be the night, before they came back. Seifer pulled out his just polished gunblade. The blade glinted and gleamed at Seifer, as if saying to him this was his fate, his destiny, to die by his own "sword". 

"Perfect. It's perfect." Seifer muttered to himself. 

Seifer set the gunblade down on his bed and started looking for paper, to leave Fujin and Raijin a note because they were going to be back in the morning. He looked around the room for paper then realized he had none. He never needed any. He never wrote anything. _Fuck._ He could always go to the lobby to get some paper, but what if he ran into Fujin and Raijin? That would mess up his plans. He could check out the bar first and make sure they were still there, thus he could be almost certain not to run into them because he would know where they were. Yes, that seemed like a good plan. 

Seifer ran his glove down the blade of his gunblade once, then left his room. He slowly walked towards the bar, staring at the floor the entire time. When he got close to the bar, he flipped up his collar, quietly slipped inside, and sat down at a far corner. He looked around the bar and saw Fujin and Raijin sitting at the counter, drinking beers. They looked like they were in an in-depth conversation and enjoying themselves. Yes, him leaving this mortal coil, as so many old poets phrased it, would have no major effect on them. It would work out. It would all work out. Seifer slipped out of the bar, ran to the lobby, got some paper and a pen, and returned to his room. He sat down and sighed. Yes. This was it. 

Soon, the only sound inside the room was of pen scratches and sniffles. Into the early hours of the morning, the sound of a chair being scraped across the floor was heard, followed by the sickening sound of flesh tearing and a body hitting the floor… 

~ 

Raijin yawned as Fujin dragged him towards the elevator. "Why are we up so early? I think I have a hangover, y'know?" 

"Fool. You didn't even drink that much. I drank more than you." Fujin pointed out, "And we're going to see Seifer now." 

"Why so early? He'll still be there later in the day." 

"What if he's working and we miss him? Shut up and hurry up, Raijin." 

"Yeah, yeah…" Raijin grumbled. 

The pair walked through the decrepit hallway. Even though the sun had risen, the hall was still disgustingly dim. 

"Windows would do this place wonders…" Fujin muttered. 

"What?" 

"Nothing. Come on." Fujin replied, knocking on Seifer's door. No answer. She knocked again. Still no answer. Out of impulse, she tried the doorknob and the door opened. It wasn't locked. "Seifer…?" Fujin whispered tentatively as she pushed the door open and froze in terror. She abruptly turned around and started sobbing into Raijin's chest. 

Inside the room, Seifer was laying on the ground, his gunblade completely pierced through his chest. Blood was still spilling out, staining the navy carpet. The once majestic silver blade was now tainted with the blood of its owner. Seifer's eyes were still open, though the life was gone from them. 

Raijin stared in shock as he held Fujin tightly. "This can't be… not Seifer…" 

Fujin's sobbing subsided and she turned her head slightly. "Why did he do this?" 

"I don't know, Fuj… I don't know…" 

Fujin looked around the room and saw the scattered sheets of paper on the desk. She carefully walked over, avoiding looking at Seifer's lifeless form. It was a letter. The letter was addressed to them! "Raijin… he wrote something for us. He knew we were going to come…" 

Raijin looked at her, silently pleading she wasn't going to say what she was going to say. 

"He did this last night…" 

"Was it before or after we came to his room?" 

Fujin knelt down beside Seifer's body, gently closed his eyes and brushed his cheek with the back of her hand. "His skin is… still warm." 

"Meaning… after we were here…" 

Fujin nodded, grabbed the letter and walked back over to Raijin. She looked back at Seifer for a moment, turned to look at Raijin and started crying again. 

~ 

Several hours later, after the authorities were at the hotel, Fujin sat in their room, still crying. Raijin tried his best to comfort her, but she still cried. Raijin shed his share of tears too, but he had to be strong for Fujin. 

"Fuj, why don't we read the letter?" Raijin suggested. 

Fujin looked up, puzzled for a moment, and then realized she had the letter inside her pocket. She quickly pulled it out and started reading it. Her eyes started to tear up again as she continued reading. Finally, she dropped the letter and started sobbing again. Raijin picked up the letter, sat down beside Fujin and hugged her as he started reading. Once he was done, he carefully set the letter down and brushed Fujin's damp strands of hair out of her face. He sighed and hugged Fujin tightly to him as she kept crying. "Seifer…" 

~ ~ ~ 

_Fujin, Raijin; _

My friends. My closest friends. My posse. Obviously, if you're reading this now, I did it. I did what we had all once promised we would never do because we all knew how stupid it would be. But I had no other choice. I deserved this. I had not only broken the second promise we made with each other, I spat on it, kicked it and defiled it. I broke the friendship that we had all vowed to keep. And yet you 2 tried your hardest to stay by my side the entire way. You supported me and helped me in my attempt to achieve my dream, but I didn't acknowledge that. Not until it was too late. Not until I had lost myself and you. 

That first day we met was so important to me. Up until that point, I really hadn't had any friends. Squall and his group… I didn't belong with them. But with you two, I did. With you two, I found myself. 

We grew up together. Through the good times and bad. Through causing trouble and reporting it. Through it all. But I threw it all away for my childhood dream. But that dream was never realistic to begin with. What had I been thinking? Becoming a SeeD with you two would have been more than enough. 

I hope that in the coming years, you two become the SeeDs we had all wanted to be. Honourable SeeDs, defending the world and GARDEN. I hope that I didn't mess things up too badly for you. After all, I did some pretty shitty things and you two followed me along the way. I hope I didn't tarnish your reputations. 

  


Now, this must be an awkward request, but let Squall and his friends read this too. Despite how I wouldn't admit it, they did affect my life. 

Squall – My rival. We were perfectly matched on every level. No matter how hard I trained, I could never surpass you nor could you surpass me. You were a worthy rival. Hope your skills don't diminish now that I'm not there to challenge you. Take good care of Rinoa. 

Rinoa – We had something special once. I hope you have a good life with Squall. I know he'll take good care of you. 

Quistis – Instructor, I should've tried harder, just for you. You did have confidence in me at one point, even if you wouldn't admit it. And I thank you for that. Even that tiny burst of confidence gave me hope. 

Zell – Chicken-wuss. No, I'm just kidding around one last time. You were a big man to take all I dealt out. I commend you for that. Know that you're one of the bravest people I have known in my life and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Selphie – Messenger girl. A shame we never got to really know each other even if we grew up together. If you're retained any childhood trait, I'm sure you're still the positive optimist. Never change that. Your spirit is so strong. Don't let anyone crush it. 

Irvine – Gun boy. Same with Selphie. We never got to know each other after we went to different GARDENs. But, I'm sure you're still the confident guy you always were. And if rumours serve, take care of Selphie. 

  


2 more message you guys will have to deliver. Thanks. 

Headmaster Cid – Sir, I'd like to thank you. You allowed me into GARDEN at such a young age and allowed me such excellent training despite how I was only an orphan. You gave me a chance to succeed. And I almost did, had I not lost sight. You influence so many students in GARDEN even if they won't admit it. Keep running GARDEN in tip-top shape. 

Matron Edea – Matron, you raised me. I admit, I know nothing of my past, my parents. But, I didn't need to when you gave enough love to replace both my parents and for me to never realize anything was missing. Nothing was missing. You helped me grow up and sent me to GARDEN at just the right age. I thank you, Matron. For my life, I thank you. 

  


Last message, guys. 

Ellone – Sis. Well, what can I say? You were my big sis, even if Squall hogged you all the time. Maybe we weren't as close as you and Squall were, but that didn't matter. Not to me. I still loved you as I would've loved my older sister. I had the utmost respect for you, and I still do. You're a special one, sis. Don't ever forget that. 

  


No more delivering messages. Thanks, guys. The rest of this letter is just for you. 

Fujin – I'm sorry for doing this. I know that I once saved you from this very fate. It must seem very hypocritical of me. But, there was no other choice. I hope that Raijin takes good care of you and vice versa. Even though we didn't work out being 'together', I always harboured a special love for you. You were my girl. My princess. My angel. I hope I can still see your light from wherever the afterlife takes me. 

Raijin – My buddy. My man. There's a certain bond when you grow up together and we had it. Despite how we didn't ever exclude Fujin, we still had that whole "male bonding" thing going on. Haha, maybe not put that lamely. Take care of Fujin for me, will ya? Don't let harm come to her. And take care of yourself. Become the SeeD I couldn't be. 

  


I'm sorry. For everything I did after meeting Ultimecia. I thought that everything I had wanted was with her, but I was wrong. I had everything I wanted before the sorceresses. My romantic dream… that's all it was and should've stayed, a dream. I was foolish to try and make it real. I shouldn't have. I gained nothing from it, but lost everything. I'm sorry for all the pain and problems I caused. And I'm sorry for the pain and problems this death will cause. Please, don't cry for me. I deserved this and got what I deserved. Don't argue, Fujin. This was the only thing I could do. I know how forgiving you two can be when it comes to me, and I wouldn't allow it. I'd done too much damage and this was the only way to fix it. 

Don't waste your tears on me. I'm sure I'm happy in this afterlife. Perhaps reincarnation is the path of the afterlife. And should I get a second chance in life, I will find you two again. Should I get a second chance, we will be a posse again. But should I only get one chance at life, I will watch over you two in my afterlife. I will keep you safe. This is my last promise to you. 

Good-bye, Fujin. Good-bye, Raijin. Never could a guy have been so lucky to have such friends. I was truly blessed. 

  


  


Seifer Almasy 

  


  


  
* Author's Notes: Nooo, I don't hate Seifer either! I really don't hate any characters, and if I did, I wouldn't spend nearly a month writing a story about them. ^^; And then another month and 3 weeks revising it again and again and again. -_-; But even after so many revisions, I'm still not sure it's _that_ great. Oh well! I guess my reviewers will decide that for me! ^_^ 


End file.
